The New Me

revisiting my blog

2008-12-11T02:17:35Z

It's been 10 months since the last entry I made here. It's been a long tiring day for me. People who are close to me know how painful my experience has been. But well, it's about getting back on your feet and continue doing what you want. And I am really proud to say, I do belong to academia. I am equally happy to have been vindicated. In the grand scheme of things, I am happy.

This might be the last entry here as I move on with my life. New things coming up and more exciting events to look forward. Will be in Latin America next year. Rio, Sao Paolo, and Santiago will be my first three stops. Hopefully I'd be able to go to the Caribbean! crossing fingers.

alicante beach

On Sweden

2008-01-05T11:35:53Z

After nine weeks, I almost forgot i have a LJ account. Luckily, I've been inspired to write (thanks Alvin for showing me the light at the end of the tunnel) on this blog. I intend not to please the sponsors who would probably give me money to go to a conference [maybe a debate tourney?] and end up not achieving anything except to travel. [But who knows, I have a conference in Korea this March anyone want to sponsor my plane fare?!]

Nine weeks ago, it may have been unimaginable where I'd be. Today, I'm a week close to receiving my Masters degree in Asian Studies at Lund University. So this is about me. Bear with me [to begin with you want to know me that's why you're reading my blog right?] Question and Answer portion.

Q: Why choose Sweden and why Asian Studies?
A: I like blondes and blue eyes. Sweden is the place to be. Asians are exotic in Europe. The North you go, the more interesting life becomes. I just want an excuse to see real blondes. Of course, the difference between me and you is that I'm able to afford to go here without asking a sponsor from the internet.

Asian Studies because... there are Swedes in Thailand. In fact, national statistics says that there are 10 million swedes who go to Thailand every year. Catch is, there are only 9 million Swedes in this world (Figure out the math). They know Asia. Why not study Asia from their viewpoint?

Q: What did you learn in Sweden?
A: Drinking, Clubbing, more drinking, more clubbing. Fridays and Saturdays are jump packed with activities. By the way, my parents still thought I don't drink. I gave my dad a Portuguese wine from the conference in Napoli. I wonder if he noticed the change.

Q: Anything else you learned?
A: Oh yes, Sweden is a socialist country pretending to be a social democratic country. The state schedules your doctor's appointment, fixes your teeth (oh this is done in Poland since dentist treatment in Sweden costs around 1200 USD per session), not to mention it is controlled by social democrats in the last 12 years. The cycle of electoral politics is pretty discernible: after 12 yrs people thought they'd have enough of SocDems they elect the right coalition. After a few months popularity ratings drop by 50% and they realise Sweden is better off being run by socialists and communists, so they elect them again after three years of right wing government.

Q: Any interesting insights on Swedes?
A: Pretty good looking people. And shy. And racist but just don't want to say it. They speak very very good English. They like using adjectives "nice" and "good". See in my sentence constructions and the way I speak.

Q: What will you do when you return to Manila?
A: I'm probably coming back this February. Drink vodka. it's only 700 pesos (100 SEK) for one litre. It costs 1701 pesos (243 SEK) in Sweden. Anyway, I'm pretending to look for work but really, I'm just waiting for my scholarship for PhD in UK.

Q: What do you miss about Manila?
A: Frankly? Not so much. Except hmmmm nothing much. I've had too much Filipinos around me in Sweden it's more of like studying in a colder place.

PS: If you want to know about the context of this entry, ask Alvin Camba or Gabby Valbuena.

Travel

2007-11-02T14:18:23Z

Poor me, 6 % of the world. Good thing I'm doing my fieldwork in Latin America! Carribean islands, Rio de janeiro beaches, La Paz... here I come!!!

Congrats Debsoc

2007-11-02T14:11:04Z

Let me make this short and sweet. UP deserves to win. We work hard and play hard. most importantly, we're more intelligent than most people in the debating community combined.

Congrats to your latest feat! Grattis!

on jetsetting

2007-09-22T16:39:32Z

Yes, I can finally claim I'm a jetsetter! It's been a wonderful two months for me. I went to Stockholm for the first time and I just fell in love with the place. I could see myself living in such clean and picturesque city! From there, I went to Bangkok and spent the night shopping in Patpong. From here, I paid 300 baht to go to the airport to fly to Kuala Lumpur, where I was based for two months. On the 11th of September, I flew to Italy and just fell in love with the country and the people! (yes, Nico was right :p) Naples was just fantastic.

I met good friends from, guess which country? SINGAPORE!!! They were the nicest people ever. If anyone wants to do their PhD in Sociology in NUS tell me and you'll get some backing hehe...
While there are many things that happened in between, the best is always the escape from reality to paradise. Two minutes after the Closing dinner, I caught the Birte walking home. She's a German girl who is working on HIV/AIDS in Germany. And in two minutes, we decided to go together to Capri. Her intention was to see the Blue Grotto. Mine was to just show off in the beach (And I was not disappointed!). Oh, and she's a professional photographer I'm just waiting for the pictures to be delivered in Sweden! haha.

It was a fabulous trip. I can get used to the life of a spoiled brat scholar traveling around the world presenting papers in conferences. Next stop, Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. Man, why are conferences held in beautiful places???

But I'm dropping off in Manila for two days. Anyone who wants to come to meet me is welcome! We'll have dinner at Little Asia located at Tomas Morato area on the 26th of September. See you soon!

Refugee Status in Southeast Asia

2007-09-03T18:04:41Z

If you think you are safe from detention despite an EU reszidence permit, you are definitely wrong! I've just crashed at Carlo's flat (thanks a million times!!!) in Singapore because my visa expires today and the university could not help me fix my visa anymore... With only two hours to plan everything, I luckily caught Carlo online and coerced him to accept me, put everything in order before I leave, and finally take a bus to Singapore.

Everything is ok thus far. Now I need to find a good excuse to go back to Malaysia... Such an adventurous summer I have had! very twisted life.

Thank you for the greetings

2007-09-01T08:06:25Z

Hello everyone,

thanks for the greetings especially the emails. you have done what i could only wish for on my birthday. thanks for remembering me and this means so much to me coz I know somehow I've made an impact to your life for you to remember... Tack så mycket!!

Gratis på foldesedagen i mig...

May birthday wish na rin ako: sana matanggap ako sa Oxford. :p

What have i done the whole week?

2007-07-15T12:56:51Z

Boy o boy tis the season to party! This week was Jazz Festival in Copenhagen. All kinds of jazz played by laid-back Europeans from 11 am til the sun rises! What more can you ask for?

I went there last Thursday night after sending Ne off back to Oslo. Evette, maybe you should have come like mid-July so you could have witnessed this! And this is what we do in Kopenhamn: DRINK WINE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET!

The following day I was with Tito Tony and Mariana at Stortoget craving for fresh meat. hahaha... that's how they described our seemingly endless bar hopping in Lund...

But the best deal was last night! We went to La Haciendera, where good ol' young Danes are dancing like crazy til the morning comes. That was just the best. the only regret I had was that I was not too drunk to enjoy it. But hey, I was on stage for 30 minutes hahaha. I guess that basically makes my 7000 pesos worthit.

And why have I been doing all these???

I'M GOING TO KUALA LUMPUR! The Asian Political Science and International Studies Association have awarded me a research fellowship for my MA dissertation. This is a Phd and post-doc level research training given to selected 40 scholars all around the developing world (Africa, Latin America, and ASia) to write their research that is in line with the theme Democracy, Social Movements and Governance. This will eventually lead to a publication by the association.

So there, my academic career has finally set off. i also got a pseudo-acceptance from Sheffield and Newcastle in UK on my topic. The best is that I am sure I have a pretty good chance of securing a slot in the big schools due to this fellowship!

So there is reason to party other than looking for potential ----. hehehe

public performance in Stroget

way back into love...

2007-07-01T11:16:37Z

My last song syndrome... watch the movie MUSIC and LYRICS! (highly recommended for people in love or want to be in love)

WAY BACK INTO LOVE

[Cora]
I've been living with a shadow overhead
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I've been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can't seem to move on

[Alex]
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
Just in case I ever need them again someday
I've been setting aside time
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind

[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
Oh oh oh

[Cora]
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine
I've been searching but I just don't see the signs
I know that it's out there
There's gotta be something for my soul somewhere

[Alex]
[Way Back into Love lyrics on http://www.metrolyrics.com]

I've been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
And I'm open to your suggestions

[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end

[Cora]
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

[Cora & Alex]
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can't make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do
And if you help me to start again
You know that I'll be there for you in the end

Less stressful week

2007-06-18T07:39:30Z

This time im not going to complain. I loved the weekend trip in oslo. it's just what i needed to think about what i want to do. I got back from my predispositions in life and am ready to work on my future again... will be in copenhagen in a few hours.

Vi ses Evette!

PS: Check my pics!

Coffee and Morning Glory

2007-06-10T06:18:56Z

Sitting in the 4th floor of this old yet fancy apartment where I could feel the morning sun hitting my face since 4 am (yes sun is up at 4 am), I start to think about what to do the whole Sunday.

Weekends here are either too boring or extremely exciting. It's boring when you aren't doing anything. it's too muuch if you party too often too. and now, what is my weekend then? i'd say in between. after partying last friday night until 5 am i got really tired on saturday but i had to wake up at 12 pm to attend the meeting. then i had to start reading for my lit review. now, i am preparing coffee (Skane coffee is great evette will finally have a taste of it in a few days!!!)

I'm really excited to see evette. i'll be with her for a week and she's coming with me to norway in an expensive summerhouse! she's having a blast in europe. I'm sure she will love lund thanks to steph she has a place to stay here otherwise i had to throw her in the streets where she'll be (HOPEFULLY) picked up by drunk blondies hahahaha.

Well have to get my coffee now, people get your facebook account! www.facebook.com add me afterwards! it's the network for university students... discriminatory website just for intelligent people!

It was fucking hot last night i had to leave my door open so air could get in!!!

Crisis Management

2007-06-10T00:03:47Z

Boy o boy, it's been centuries since I last posted anything here. I thought of deleting this account but these days this seems a nice (uhhh very common swedish adjective!) avenue to bring some of my eventful days in the last few weeks.

School is over. 2 semesters of uneventful studying Asia have just passed. I'm a constant commuter of SJ trains these days coz Im doing my library work in Copenhagen (and checking out people in the train too! :p). It keeps me sane coz Lund is literally empty. Fuck, i was biking during the morning of the Swedish national holiday and the whole town is fucking empty! No oldies walking their dogs, no buses trying to hit you in the small cobblestone Stortorget street, no blondies who are half naked jogging to enjoy the sunny day. Then you come to the freaking train. It's jumppacked. I could not believe that it is in the realm of possibility that I would be standing for one and a half hour in the ride to Copenhagen. The Swedes are off to their holiday. what do they do? drink drink and drink. this happened just this week by the way!

I felt like lost again. In three months I'm done with my masters degree (finally I have another degree attached to my name - one step closer in getting the highest acolade that I could possibly get). It's kinda wierd because I have just started relaxing and stopped thinking of planning ahead my life... but in a few months I have to face the truth: i need to join the working class!

With no job prospect and with my pathetic Swedish proficiency skills (it's even an insult to put jojo and proficiency in one sentence!), I'm in this big dilemma again: WHAT DO I DO AFTER? How will I use the attached decoration (read MA degree) in my name???

Its not a quarter life crisis. It's not depression. It's too sunny and too beautiful here to get depressed thinking about the future. that's a thing for the winter. It's just asking myself again, WHAT DO I WANT TO DO?

FUTURE PLAN: i have two plans as of now. (a) Go to Oslo next week and enjoy the summerhouse care of my Thai friend Ne; and (b) finish the dissertation as soon as possible.

Lots and lots of things to do...

2007-03-24T12:07:44Z

Well this is just a few updates as to why I keep snobbing some emails:

(1) Prof. Bong Mendoza was here last Monday to give a public lecture in Lund on his newest theoretical research: A FOUR-SECTOR MODEL OF THE PHILIPPINE POLITICAL ECONOMY. Everyone was very excited and it seems like he'll have a comeback here in Lund. Sir Bong, in case you will do post-doc here you hafta tell me... dito na rin ako magpopost-dic. LOL... Anyway, he was so tired coz he came from Freiburg and Oxford for a lecture and paper presentation (respectively). Being the nice host of Lund that I am, I met him the following day to give him a tour in Lund (supposedly we were to go to Copenhagen and see Hans Christian's Little mermaid but we got stuck in the airport!). We did a lot of catching up, had a really nice chat (read: gossips, gossips, gossips). Hinde, we didn't talk about gossips. We talked about everything. I miss my Filipino friends... Pero may catch ang aming meeting: HE INVITED ME TO TEACH IN UP. hahahha... hindi na ako banned sa department!!! Here is how the conversation went:

Jojo: So how's the department going? How is Sir Morada? (panalo ang question di ba???)
Bong: All the oldies are retiring. (then enumerates: Hernandez, Pepe, Morales (yes Carl Morales wants early retirement), Casambre.
Jojo: Are there people coming back from abroad?
Bong: Just Perla Frago.
Jojo: ohhh...
Bong: So when are you finishing your MA here in Lund?
Jojo: Hmm.. Until January 2008.
Bong: We have four vacancies in the department to fill in. When you apply you are in.
Jojo (shy pa kunwari): Naku tatapusin ko muna Phd ko...

Epilogue: Icor and Sir Bong met this morning at Chokiss. at ang comment ni Sir Bong sa akin: ANG KULIT NI JOJO!!!

(2) I'm in a European tour! hahaha... Conference hopping ang drama ng lola mo. In June, I'm flying to Romania to present a paper on 'Globalization, Regionalism and State Security in Asia'. In July, hopefully I might meet Neeks in Spain for my CMR paper. Plus I'm going to Germany on the first week for ISWI! See you evette, madz, and everyone else!

(3) I'm dying now. I have a proposal to finish by the end of April and I have not even done my literature review. My method paper got a VG though :) and I think I got Anders Uhlin as my supervisor! yahooo.

(4) I've been transformed into an alcoholic. If before I couldn't even finish one bottle of San Mig light, good lord, now I drink everything from whiskey, wine to vodka (pure as in if you throw me a lighted match I'll burn)... Every weekend, I never missed any party or event either in Gloria's (the pub) or the nations (student places)... And now this week I'm passing coz I have to study... that's why I'm here right???

Well that's all folks... the most interesting stories. There are others but you don't know the people so might as well not waste time and energy telling them.

Five signs of getting civilised

2007-02-08T19:33:04Z

Five months in Sweden make a difference in terms of how i view things. Since I have written something here twenimilyen years ago, im going to make it like a reflection. Five signs you are changing the pattern of your social life and your appreciation of things (based on observations and experience):

(1) You appreciate wine and cheese. In fact, whenever you go for a merienda, you want to have blue french cheese or the Italian cheese together with German wine (people, buy Riesling! Sweet white wine 8% alcohol!).

(2) You define socialising as going to a corridor or an apartment to drink wine, play jazz music, and have some nice conversations about your day, your family, your break up stories, your friends back in your home country, people you hate (and the kind of people you hate), travel plans (god i can't believe the day will come i would be in a conversation choosing among prague, budapest, madrid, tuscany and marsailles for a summer trip) and the things that make you want to take life with a grain of salt.

(3) When you don't care what you wear or say because people are equally respectful of your style and in fact if you are convincing enough they may even follow you (e.g. Kim usually says 'Jag tu bra' as if 'chaka' or 'chenez'. Now, you feel kinda sophisticated coz you say something swedish (and for once in my life something not so gay). Of course this does not in anyway implicate our UP lingo, sometimes I wanna use it but of course the only Filipino in Lund is Steph (atenean good luck sana maintindihan nya!!!)

(4) You got over your habit of saying 'Sir' or 'Prof.' to authorities. You start calling your professor Catarina, Anne, or Christer. Feels liberating and makes the definition of 'academic freedom' more real. Plus of course, you can just send an email to them and ask anything. Good luck kung magawa ko yan sa mga prof sa UP!!! (This includes having a few glasses of wine or bottles of beer over Kulturen while talking about how your professor fought the clergy in Iran or went in the meeting to free the East Timorese from Indonesia)

(5) You see more blondes than black haired people (hehe). In addition, you get a cluster of distractingly too pretty lecturers (i swear my classmates were never able to concentrate in our quanti method class coz Kirsten is too pretty you end up staring at her... in fact, people (guys) blush and turn soooooooo red whenever kirsten gives them some complements in class).

Well of course not everything is good here pero i would say all have been going smoothly. I got an email from Catarina (the prof i thought she hated me) coz I asked her if she has any project which I can apply for as a research assistant (I told her I need a project in Lund coz Im applying for PhD). Quotable quote from her email:

"You would certainly make an excellent graduate student"

Winner Conversation Number 2

2007-01-25T20:39:13Z

Background: Ne is my Thai friend (Arlene's lost sister according to biboy) and we were talking about random things thru msn.

Ne: by the way, john said i need light therapy.
Jojo: Really?
Ne: My body lacks of light. that's why i can feel down
Jojo: Ohhh...
Ne: mood swing
Jojo: hahaha. thats true... so go out tom
Ne: hmmm...
Jojo: walk in the park! Better yet, walk a dog in the park!

Reply ni Gaga:

Ne: ok i will walk u to the park.

I topped the class!

2007-01-25T10:33:31Z

Buwahahaha... As always, ako ay star na pa-star. Just wanna say that I got the highest grade/distinction in the first semester!!! Shet I survived writing about identity, gender and culture!!! Putang inaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....

Thanks for the moral support everyone especially nung KRISIS... Special mention madelline thank you for always being there! i love MSN na tuloy. JC din! and mommy joyce din, salamat sa kwento.

White Winter has come

2007-01-22T15:49:56Z

Today real winter has arrive. It was negative 2 last night and it has been snowing all day since I woke up. Instead of the gloomy gray sky, we've had a bright morning which you appreciate since (warm) sunlight comes out every thirty minutes a day.

Anyway, this is probably why I woke up at 10 am to attend my 10 am class (thanks to Mario's call!!!). here's my morning conversation:

Phone rings.

Mario: Hello, Jojo!
Jojo: Mario, the class is at Java Hall.
Mario: Yeah I know. i'm already here. Where are you?
Jojo: Sleeping.
Mario: It's 10 am.
Jojo: Yeah. Bye.

Well, I look like I was in a hurry: took a shower for 15 minutes, ate bacon and egg with milk for another 10 minutes, walked to the centre for another 10 minutes.

That's not all! Since I figured out I am late anyway and I hate the professor (believe me I would have been the only one in class to like Catarina!) so I stayed in the library for another thirty minutes. I was supposed to get into class after the first half (around 11 am). Apparently the class was just dividing groups and Catarina was talking about the syllabus and not discussing anything. everyone envied me for attending the class in its last ten minutes. buwahahaha...

Newsflash:

(1) I got three book reviews published in a year!!! Haaay, academe is tough.

(2) Since I took five methodology courses and my classmates are stupid in research, I might as well make money. Im writing summaries/student digests and sell them for around 700 pesos per topic. buwahahahaha...

(3) Ultimate sell out! Im selling some old papers in the internet. everyone, who wants to do the same (sell, buy, custom write papers) please
go to http://www.academon.com/?A=jtnemsingh.

Yun lang. Bow!

Winner si Alvin (must post Q&A)

2006-12-25T16:05:08Z

JC dapat ka magcomment dito pramis!!!

Jojo: Alvin, hulaan mo ano ginagawa ko dito ngayon. Clue: Filipino hobby.
Alvin: Hmmm, ayan ba ung hahampasin mo yung paso ng naka blind fold?
Jojo: WTF?! Hindeeee. Second clue, ginagawa natin palagi.
Alvin: Pambabalahura?
Jojo: Hindeeee. Third Clue: Ginagawa natin forever sa parties ito kapag nasa bahay.
Alvin: Kakain?
Jojo: Potaaaah. mag-isip ka.
Alvin: Potluck?
Jojo: Punyetaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Alvin: Sandali magtatanong ako...

After a few minutes.

Alvin: Magmamano???
Jojo: Potaaaaaaah. Hobby mo bang magmano???
Alvin: Di ko nga ginagawa yun eh.
Jojo: O isa pang clue. Pinapadala natin ang mga tao para gawin ito. Example sa Japan.
Alvin: -...- Hindi din alam ng mga napagtanungan ko.
Jojo: Magsusuicide ako kapag debsoc yang pinagtanungan mo.
Alvin: Si Anna at Raymond sila.
Jojo: Umayos ka!
Alvin: It's not me. It's you! (do you see the trend anyone???)
Jojo: O ito, final clue. May game show pa nga tayo e. Si Allan K ang host.
Alvin: (with all enthusiasm) Card game???!!!

Sagot: Videoke.

My first swedish christmas

2006-12-23T21:25:46Z

Well, it will be 14 hours before Christmas and I'm in this big, nice, old house of Tita Anna at Hässleholm. One hour away from Malmö, it seems like the perfect holiday getaway less the fact that I'm in the middle of a forest and that you could go around the whole town in thirty minutes (yep thats how probinsya this is!).

I'm having the 'time of my life' if you define it as riding in a car, driving out of Lund, and getting more Swedish Christmas traditions. However, what this vacation has given me is time: time to think about what i want, time to think about my plans, time to reorganise my life, and most importantly, time to count my blessings and appreciate the small things in life.

As perfect as the Desperate Housewives landscape this place might be, I still miss HOME. I miss my mom and dad (never thought i will believe me!), my sister May, Christian and Macky, and my AUNTS (yes, i miss them a lot!). God sometimes I wish I said thank you to them a hundred times before I left.

I remember the time I was about to leave the NAIA airport. I told myself I won't cry. And I've managed thus far. Although, there was pure silence in the car going to the airport, I could feel my mom wanting to hug me. Of course she didn't. She never told me "I'm gonna miss you son!" I was ok then and my excessive luggage has kept me busy until around 1 pm. But hell, when I said good bye to my mom and dad and my aunt, that was when I was hit by reality: I'M LEAVING! Fuck, I cried when Jai and Tine hugged me to say goodbye. I couldn't keep the emotions from coming out. And that is how I will always be remembered by Jai and Tine: That crying boy in the airport who said he wouldn't cry but eventually BROKE down into tears.

Wow, ngayon ko lang nalabas ang emotional baggage ko - after four months and after getting passed my quarter life crisis!

i'm here continuously counting my blessings and keeping my hopes and expectations up. Being away with everyone in Manila gave me (1) the courage to take risks in life and start my life from scratch, (2) the unrelenting belief on hardwork, perseverence and intelligence as the perfect combination to success, and (3) the complete acceptance of human limitations. I may have made things happen and keep making things happen, but now I know that something out there affects my decisions, opportunities and beliefs. Now I know that fate is real... it creates your future no matter how hard we want to take full control of our lives.

Im appreciating this tough moment of my life. If this is a test, I think I'll pass in flying colours.

Happy Holidays everyone.

With Love, Hugs, and Kisses,

Jojo

WHAT KEEPS YOU FROM GOING ON?

2006-12-16T15:26:45Z

I keep telling myself that the weather and the environment would not affect me. i am the most cheerful balahura person who could entertain himself, right? well, things do not happen the way we plan it.

While listening to jazz christmas songs, let me give you a brief idea of what im going into. Well, I finally got fed up with the wierd Swedish system. it's much more difficult to integrate here than in UK or US kasi there is a natural repulsion against non-Swedish people. this is a fairly homogeneous society with a proud and rich tradition comparable to western europe. I kinda feel fucked up not getting into their system. other than that, i miss filipino xmas a looooot. several times i talked to people in debsoc or my friends in Manila, i feel so alone and helpless not being able to see them this xmas. in all these things, i kinda think IM NOT MAKING THINGS HAPPEN... I COULDNT CONTROL THE SITUATION. and to some extent, i feel bad realising that there are things that remain beyond human forces. im not a fervent believer of the Catholic faith. neither am i an aethist. I do believe in the supreme forces and the existence of a Higher being... but xmas makes you believe more.. and this time when you feel so alone and sad and just wanna cry you want a GOD that exists to help you out. to say everything is great... that i will be ok in the end. dunno if that will ever happen. i dunno if life is fair to me or not.

but i keep telling myself, this is the path you chose. you wanna leave your comfort zone for an adventure right? here it is. deal with it.

JC and MAdz were right. i shouldnt blame myself about things. life is 50 percent skills and 50 percent opportunities. Opportunity is luck, fate, destiny, etc. a mixture of life's mystery.

I will spend my christmas with tita anna, a filipina i met here in lund last saturday before the 'break in' occurred. Hope things will get better for me.

Hope things will be OK in debsoc. life is unfair. but we hafta find a way to somehow manage it.

SO WHAT KEEPS ME FROM GOING ON?

It is my belief in some supernatural force that will fix the problem when i cannot do it anymore. It is my friends' trust and their trust to me. I keep going on because I know I deserve a good life... a better life... because hardworking, persevering and courageous people are to be rewarded in the end. GOD JUL.

God Jul

2006-12-09T01:48:45Z

It's been almost a month since I posted so this is a bit long.

First, I think I have a thing about last minute changes. Punyeta three times I almost had a permanent job but no... some twist of fate always happens and I end up not getting it. Madz is always right: Cross the bridge when you're there. As in literal na dapat itatapak mo na ang paa mo sa bridge and then you can say "im crossing the bridge".

Second, acads are great. Star and pa-star as always. I got a high pass as my final grade. wafaz tatlong grades lang ang puedeng makuha: fail, pass or high pass. Two anecdotes worth posting:

When I was getting my grade for my Economic History of Asia Pacific class (individual consulation ito!!! The two professors will criticize your paper while you try defending yourself), the first question they asked:

"So, do you think the Philippines has hope?" I was shocked for many reasons. Honestly, it was a difficult question to answer. But of course, without batting an eyelash, I confidently answered YES! Boy, who would say we have hope but the Filipinos themselves, right?! Sadly, the Colombian before me said Colombia has no hope and clearly I saw her not as a professional coming back to her own country to help rebuild her nation.

****

In a three page commentary paper about globalization, conflict and insecurity, I wrote this paper where I didnt use the literature of the professor. heto ang comment ni gaga (verbatim):

"This is a very (underlined word 'very') good account as you clearly deal with the issues of the assignment in a very analytical and critical way. However, (underlined word 'however') you do not significantly show that you have read and reflected upon a major part of the course literature, which is the reason I cannot give you a VG (very good or high pass) although the content would have motivated such a grade."

I got a Good (or pass). Wafaz. How can you be critical-analytical on an issue and not have read the literature at the same time???!!! Walk out. Tawa ako ng tawa nung nabasa ko ung comment coz the professor seems to have made my classmates scared kasi they couldn't believe Catarina is that rigid.

Comment ng aking Brazilian-American-Italian friend Eliza, "Why do you call it academic freedom in a liberal education if the professor forces you to stick with her (emphasis her) literature and going beyond it has to be paid by your grade?!" Infernez, makes sense. basta malabo talaga tong prof na'to. Nakakaloka sya.

***********

Parties for the Christmas

My corridor held our Christmas party kas December 2. It wa my first ever party with them: a three course meal cooked by no less than the Swedes (Charlie specifically who bakes bread, cakes and other things on a WEEKLY basis! Tinka puede mo na siya pakasalan pramis!!!) Nice warm meal given that we live in this dark cold place.

Also, I attended a semi-surprised farewell party for Jacelyn. Dammit she didnt cry when we surprised her. Pero it's sad she's leaving to Stockholm already coz she got a job in this small media company. We'll have the OFFICIAL farewell party tomorrow night... errr... tonight napala.

Not to forget, I am attending a Filipino christmas party. May Filipino community na na-form dito just last month. They're nice and warm to Steph and me. Looking forward to their biko, sinigang na hipon and adobo!

Lastly, the class will hold our own party. mga tomador itong mga ito. They've been drinking hard liquor as if softdrinks un. well, you have to understand, the weather here kills people! (its dark by 3 pm.. come on sinong di madedepress kung ganito ang everyday sky mo???)

********

Lots of things to do.

Im publishing my first article!!! At under East West Center, the policy making center on Asian affairs in the US based in Hawaii. Makikilala ko na si Muthiah Alagappa. syeeeeeeeet. geekily excited.

Have a paper to pass this monday. at hindi ko pa ginagawa. pero keri lang. since im BEYOND the literature, walang problema. har har har.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE! GOD JUL!

Oh and lastly, Im finally starting my Swedish lessons on January!!! After a year here, I would learn an obscure language where no other people speak except Sweden and Finland (yes for some stupid reason ang mga kawawang Finnish kailangan matutong magSwedish!). pero useful sya if I will work in Scandinavia. Once you know one Scandinavian language, you know all of them. good luck sa aking teach yourself spanish moda.

POTAH MAG-E-MAIL KAYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

Ahora esta muy Bien

2006-11-22T22:52:33Z

Obtendré mis grados mañana en mi clase por la mañana. Kim y Ne son espantados muy acerca de los resultados. Espero que ellos harán bien. Espero realmente tan. Bebemos el licor duro ahora y yo obtengo achispado ya.

**************

Tengo un nuevo trabajo en un centro indio del restaurante. Espero que irá bien mañana. Cruzo los dedos.

Letter: To the teammate that I never had

2006-11-11T15:07:50Z

Dear Claire,

Nageeffort akong maghanap ng picture mo na mas maganda pa sa Debut picture but opcors mukha kang grepa sa mga pics mo sa pda phone ko por dat baka maoffend ka lang if I put our pictures together kasi mas maayos ang hitsura ko sa yo dun. Kaya ayun titigan mo nalang ang debut pics and imagine i was there. I would have worn my Turtleneck or the Liz Claiborne jacket (siempre di mo gets ang latter... ask neil na lang!). And I would have placed myself in the middle of the picture pero sa tabi mo lang para di ka masapawan.

I can't believe it's been three months already since I left Manila (ay wait para sayo nga pala to). change intro...

I could not believe that I have not seen you for the past three months (ayan mas 'other'-oriented na siya... kakakuha ko lang ng subject on identity politics kaya magaling na ako sa 'othering processes et al' and this line perfectly captures what i learned hahaha). where was I? ulit ulit...

I still imagine myself being with the Debsoc crowd had I not been here in Sweden three months ago. I am most able to think about what would have been the Starbucks moments and dinners we could have had while having an intellectual discussion on Marxism and its legacy to Debsoc (or samting laykdat). But of course, we must go where we are destined to be --- to success! Pordat I have to leave you and miss this wonerful event (one of the most memorable moments of your life I should say). For that I ask for your apology.

But beyond seeking justifications for my absence, I would like you to know how happy I am that you have been part of the DEBSOC FAMILY (not debate organization, debate, what debate??). It has been my pleasure meeting you at least a few months before I left Manila and for these few months of knowing you, joking about you (naku baka offensive ito), laughing with you, training with you, teaching you whatever I could, and being with you and the whole debsoc crowd on a day to day basis, I am most honoured to have known your brilliance, confidence, self-assurance, wittiness, and all those complicated adjectives that best captures your unique character (couldn't remember the other adjectives puro good, great and nice lang nagagamit kong adjective dito eh).

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! It must have been great fun, nice chats with people, and good food. Ayan nagamit ko na ang most common adjectives in Sverige.

Grattis på födelsedagen!

Jojo

many firsts

2006-11-01T11:37:52Z

You wake up this morning, watch tv and hear it's zero degrees celsius now. You know what it means... THE FIRST SNOW IN SWEDEN. Quite early for Europe but not for Sweden. In the North, there was snow since October so I shouldn't be really surprised when it fell from the sky today. But the most significant impact of this hand-shaking event (literally) is the realization that i am miles away from family and (Debsoc!) friends to celebrate Christmas. I really miss you guys. And just for the record, Congratulations for bagging the NDC!!!

The first trip out of Lund I had was captured by this picture with Eliza (Brazilian-Italian-American mixed with Japanese and Swedish cultures), Jorgen (her Swedish boyfriend), and Mario (Indonesian)... the beautiful castle is directly facing the harbor where North Sea could be found and Helsinborg on the other side. The last few days when we saw the sun shining brightly against this wonderful Kronborg Castle.. haaay. I miss the sun. I got inside and I saw dark dungeons and the ballroom. It's the castle that inspired Shakespeare to write Hamlet... Hmmm. When you see it, it does make you wanna be creative I think. But dont over romanticize, all castles in Europe are small than they are usually shown in movies. Camera tricks lang pala yun! You thought it was soo huge like a town but you would be disappointed. As Sabrina says, My friend has a very nice camera coz you can zoom in and lok at the fine details of the castle. Thanks Rishi for the pic! TL You'll be seeing them more often. May isa ka pang option, forests and mountains! Im looking forward seeing you here!!!

Quick News

2006-10-27T15:57:59Z

Well, just a swift message: CONGRATULATIONS TO UP DILIMAN FOR BAGGING THE NDC CHAMPIONSHIP. After three tries, it was finally given to us!

Hard Work + Brilliance = Championship.

Some people can have one of the variables but only UP Debaters could have both! Nico and Claudia you made me really proud to become a member of the UP Debate Society. It's this kind of moment where you just want to go back to Manila and share the glory with old time friends. I miss Manila. I miss UP. I miss Debsoc.

Inuman na to!!!